Sunday, September 18, 2011

Press Release from the Hulkadome: Week 1 on the Horizon

September 6, 2011

The new Hulkadome looms over the skyline of Orlando, FL. The inaugural season of Hulk Hogan's Mustache is about to get underway. The team was formed and signed an entire roster of players in the space of little over an hour last night, but they'll be ready to play next Sunday when Team Denton comes into town.

"It's a real thrill," says new Mustache defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh. "It's great to be in Florida. I mean, I'm not getting paid, but hey, anything to get out of Detroit, right?"

It was smiles all around when the president of the team's fan club, the Mustache Riders, had a chance to meet with new running back Rashard Mendenhall. "It was so awesome. I loved Mendenhall in Pittsburgh, but now, out of the snow and shitty Pittsburgh weather, he'll be so awesome. Ride the mustache, baby!" The president, Gus Keller, is surprisingly knowledgeable about football for being Swiss. "I was concerned though that Mendenhall told me he hadn't gotten paid yet. But hey, ich liebe Deutschland!"

Team owner, CEO, president, general manager, head coach and assistant defensive line coach Michael Leahy is excited to build a fan base this season. "We're going to have a lot of great promotions and other exciting events to really draw people in. But it's going to be the quality of play that keeps them here."

"And don't listen to the players. We are having absolutely no payroll issues. The checks are just in the mail."

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