By Angela Lansbury, Orlando Sentinel
September 13, 2011
ORLANDO --- Controversy erupted today around new local football team Hulk Hogan's Mustache. An extremely ill-conceived hurricane relief event sponsored by the team was picketed by numerous local citizens. The campaign, called "F*** Hurricanes," was the team's attempt to begin reaching out to the victims of recent Hurricane Irene.
Of course, the signs decorating the football team's so-called Hulkadome were not censored and instead prominently displayed the four-letter obscenity in bright letters. Local resident Tamara Shotwell spoke to me yesterday. "I was deeply offended. I drive by this monstrosity of a stadium everyday to take my kids to school. Now I have to look at this filth?"
Team owner Michael Leahy responded to criticism with his usual evasiveness. "I've been looking into who it was that came up with the relief program. I assure you that once I do, that person will be fired. But don't expect any news soon."
Leahy's typically petulant behavior was also on display as he continued to complain about the public's response. "I mean, what the hell? I'm giving back to this stupid community. I wanted to open my damn team in California, but the f***ing commissioner forced me to move to g**damn f***ing s***hole Orlando. F*** this place. And who was that bitch that called my stadium a monstrosity? It's f***ing badass. And this time, use all my f***ing titles. I gave those to me for a reason, so f*** you." Leahy then proceeded to ask me out on a date. I politely declined.
Fallout from the "F*** Hurricanes" campaign was felt in Miami as well. The president of the University of Miami expressed concern that the campaign could also be used against the University in a derogatory fashion. University of Florida students have been collecting the campaign's signs in anticipation of this year's rivalry football game. Miami president Jerry Connell expressed concern that the signs would inflame the already heated rivalry.