Wednesday, April 23, 2008

The Engineer’s Lament

There are many words for this feeling: love, lust, longing. There are also many words for this which do not begin with "L" but I have only a limited time to talk to you today, and cannot log the emotions I feel alphabetically. I look deep into my heart and remove the stone which makes it so heavy. So heavy! I wonder if God has made this stone. Could he lift it? Could I? I removed it, but how? Was there no one here to listen to me, listen to my cries of shame? I rest my loins, they have grown heavy with the toll of human life, with the extreme patience required to live an astounding 19 and a half years on this planet. I am a fuck-up. I sit around, pulling on my cock day in and day out. There are things that I will try, things that others can't even pronounce, yet I have done them to my own body! I sat under a broad tree yesterday, imagining the spread, fragrant space between my lab partner's legs. She sits there, never explicitly noticing me. Yet I know she is explicitly longing for me, as I do her. I would love to do her. My friends tell me it's all in my head, but I am acutely aware of how my staggering knowledge of steel and its properties makes her pussy all wet. I can almost feel it! Taste it! The damp taste of pubic hair and lady juice! Oh how I long to bury my face in between those legs of hers. I know she looks at me out of the corner of her eye. Her single, burning, blue eye (blue! like the sky!) pierces my soul to the core. The velocity of her stinging stare exceeds mathematical limits! She has achieved light speed! My throbbing cock, waiting for her mouth, allows itself to grow larger (and more embarrassing) the longer she feigns ignorance of my presence. This next class, I know, she will wait for me after class and lead me to the women's room, empty save for her heavy breathing, and remove my greatest sin: the stain of virginity! I will roll for initiative, if only in my mind, to take control of her body and make her mine! That cunt of hers, so beautiful! (I heard this word, cunt, on the forums the other day. Sounded cool!) What a wonderful piece of intelligently designed flesh! I shall make her mine! My horde of peers, (shall I say, "Horde?") will be ultimately jealous! Through her blissful cover of late-onset acne and early-onset diabetes, I see a princess waiting to be saved! She is not in another castle, she is here! If only she would look past my own physique, scarred by years of neglect and C++! If only! I love you, dear swan, dear lady! Amin mela lle! (I have recently taken up Elvish, and hope to read The Lord of the Rings in its native tongue.) Speak to me, and not only of the stress of steel beams! Perhaps the stress of being star-crossed lovers! Perhaps of being so perfect to another that it is impossibly sure! Impossible never seemed so possible! The strongest shape is not the triangle, it is two people! Come here! I will see you in only a few short minutes, then we shall never part! I will rub your shoulders as you calculate, massage your feet during programming, kiss you as you chew on your eraser! If only I could diagram my heart, but alas, it is measured in English, not metric! There are no SI units for love! Let us create our own units of measurement, measurably only by us two, known to only us! There is no ambition greater than this! We shall succeed! FREEDOM!!!!

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